2. Let her put on your makeup, even if it means
bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her experiment in her
attempts to be like you…then let her be herself.
3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and
read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a
motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall in love with
the wrong boy, or meet mr. right at age 5. Try to remember that you were her
age once. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own.
4. Be present. Be there for her at her Kindergarten
performances, her dance recitals, her soccer games…her everyday-little-moments.
When she looks through the crowds of people, she will be looking for your smile
and pride. Show it to her as often as possible.
5. Encourage her to try on your shoes and play
dress-up. If she would rather wear her brother’s superman cape with high heals,
allow it. If she wants to wear a tutu or dinosaur costume to the grocery store,
why stop her? She needs to decide who she is and be confident in her decision.
6. Teach her to be independent. Show her by example
that woman can be strong. Find and follow your own passions. Search for outlets
of expression and enjoyment for yourself- not just your husband or children.
Define yourself by your own attributes, not by what others expect you to be.
Know who you are as a person, and help your daughter find out who she is.
7. Pick flowers with her. Put them in her hair.
There is nothing more beautiful than a girl and a flower.
8. Let her get messy. Get messy with her, no matter
how much it makes you cringe inside. Splash in the puddles, throw snowballs,
make mud pies, finger paint the walls: just let it happen. The most wonderful
of memories are often the messy ones.
9. Give her good role models- you being one of
them. Introduce her to successful woman- friends, co-workers, doctors,
astronauts, or authors. Read to her about influential woman- Eleanor Roosevelt,
Rosa Parks, Marie Curie. Read her the words of inspirational woman- Jane
Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson. She should know that anything is
possible.
10. Show her affection. Daughters will mimic the
compassion of their mother. “I love yous” and Eskimo kisses go a long way.
11. Hold her hand. Whether she is 3 years-old in
the parking lot or sixteen years old in the mall, hold on to her always- this
will teach her to be confident in herself and proud of her family.
12. Believe in her. It is the moments that she does
not believe in herself that she will need you to believe enough for both of
you. Whether it is a spelling test in the first grade, a big game or recital, a
first date, or the first day of college…remind her of the independent and
capable woman you have taught her to be.
13. Tell her how beautiful she is. Whether it is
her first day of Kindergarten, immediately after a soccer game where she is
grass-stained and sweaty, or her wedding day. She needs your reminders. She
needs your pride. She needs your reassurance. She is only human.
14. Love her father. Teach her to love a good man,
like him. One who lets her be herself…she is after all wonderful.
15. Make forts with boxes and blankets. Help her to
find magic in the ordinary, to imagine, to create and to believe in fairy
tales. Someday she will make her 5 by 5 dorm-room her home with magic touches
and inspiration. And she will fall in love with a boy and believe him to be
Prince Charming.
16. Read to her. Read her Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle.
But also remember the power of Sylvia Plath and Robert Frost. Show her the
beauty of words on a page and let her see you enjoy them. Words can be simply
written and simply spoken, yet can harvest so much meaning. Help her to find
their meaning.
17. Teach her how to love- with passion and kisses.
Love her passionately. Love her father passionately and her siblings
passionately. Express your love. Show her how to love with no restraint. Let
her get her heart broken and try again. Let her cry, and gush, giggle and
scream. She will love like you love or hate like you hate. So, choose love for
both you and her.
18. Encourage her to dance and sing. Dance and sing
with her- even if it sounds or looks horrible. Let her wiggle to nursery
rhymes. Let her dance on her daddy's feet and spin in your arms. Then later,
let her blast noise and headbang in her bedroom with her door shut if she
wants. Or karaoke to Tom Petty in the living room if she would rather.
Introduce her to the classics- like The Beatles- and listen to her latest
favorite- like Taylor Swift. Share the magic of music together, it will bring
you closer- or at least create a soundtrack to your life together.
19. Share secrets together. Communicate. Talk. Talk
about anything. Let her tell you about boys, friends, school. Listen. Ask
questions. Share dreams, hopes, concerns. She is not only your daughter, you
are not only her mother. Be her friend too.
20. Teach her manners. Because sometimes you have
to be her mother, not just her friend. The world is a happier place when made
up of polite words and smiles.
21. Teach her when to stand-up and when to walk
away. Whether she has classmates who tease her because of her glasses, or a
boyfriend who tells her she is too fat - let her know she does not have to
listen. Make sure she knows how to demand respect - she is worthy of it. It
does not mean she has to fight back with fists or words, because sometimes you
say more with silence. Also make sure she knows which battles are worth
fighting. Remind her that some people can be mean and nasty because of
jealousy, or other personal reasons. Help her to understand when to shut her
mouth and walk-away. Teach her to be the better person.
22. Let her choose who she loves. Even when you see
through the charming boy she thinks he is, let her love him without your
disapproving words; she will anyway. When he breaks her heart, be there for her
with words of support rather than I told-you-so. Let her mess up again and
again until she finds the one. And when she finds the one, tell her.
23. Mother her. Being a mother - to her - is
undoubtedly one of your greatest accomplishments. Share with her the joys of
motherhood, so one day she will want to be a mother too. Remind her over and
over again with words and kisses that no one will ever love her like you love
her. No one can replace or replicate a mother's love for their children.
24. Comfort her. Because sometimes you just need
your mommy. When she is sick, rub her back, make her soup and cover her in
blankets - no matter how old she is. Someday, if she is giving birth to her own
child, push her hair out of her face, encourage her, and tell her how beautiful
she is. These are the moments she will remember you for. And someday when her
husband rubs her back in attempt to comfort her...she may just whisper, "I
need my mommy."
25. Be home. When she is sick with a cold or broken
heart, she will come to you; welcome her. When she is engaged or pregnant, she
will run to you to share her news; embrace her. When she is lost or confused, she
will search for you; find her. When she needs advice on boys, schools, friends
or an outfit; tell her. She is your daughter and will always need a safe harbor
- where she can turn a key to see comforting eyes and a familiar smile; be home.
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